flutter |ˈflətər| Chapter 1

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Chapter 1

From the time Anna Taylor was 5 years old, she was nearly positive she could do it.  

 That it was real and not pretend at all.

Maybe, even before that. 

Sometimes, at night, alone in her room some, darkness would come for her.  A frightening, thought took form, in her mind that if left unchecked would grow and take hold of Anna.  It always started the same way with a soft flutter in her stomach.  It is such an odd sensation,  to l-o-s-e ones self.   

There in the darkness of her room she could feel something was trying to fill the space her body still fought to occupy. 

The feeling did not take her away instead it got inside her.  It pushed at her insides it spread her out.  It made her feel airy, buoyant,  almost euphoric,  comparable to being outside her body.  Though was still herself she could not be seen.  She had for all intents and purposes, literally and figuratively vanished.    It was not, a totally unpleasant feeling.  Thrilling really.  Still a bit unsettling.  

 Facts from the physical world she knew so well clawed at what the evidence of what she could feel was happening inside her.  

You cannot disappear.  She would think.

Even as a 5 year old she knew enough of the world to know that.  Though it was hard to argue with the facts.  She lay in bed, blanket resting upon her, to someone looking in on her they would see the covers with an outline of her form.  If they were to pull the covers back only an indentation of her 51-pound body.   Would mark her spot in the visible universe.  Also Anna could feel those covers on her.  Could feel her hair on her shoulders.  She could feel the scar on her lower lip from when she fell off her bike last year if she ran her tongue over it.  She could feel everything, but nothing could feel her.  When she faded it was like smoke rising from a cigarette on a windless day.  Rising, attempting to hold shape for a moment then letting go.

Stranger still was, in this state she felt an almost absurd sense of calm, like she, were an immortal as if nothing could harm her.  Finally even more absurd was that she could only vanish like this is she was terrified.  So if she let this feeling of calm take her over she would rematerialize.

Anna knew it for a fact as surely as she could feel her own breathing filling her lungs that she was no longer solid.  She was not out of her mind.    She was just out.  

Minutes later as calm returned and just as quickly, her body stretched and reclaimed it’s place.  The exhilarating squall blew it self out inside her.   It was over for now.  There she lay in her bed again, under fabric-softened covers.   She felt weak.   Scared and troubled.   

This thing she did.  

 What was it?   

 Feeling more like a curse, then a power.  A power is something you can control.  This controlled her.

Just an unpleasant but unavoidable part of the game.

 Do not pass go.  Do not collect $200.00

Still Anna would not be fully certain about her ability or disability until that pretty dreadful night 8 years from tonight, when all doubt ended.  To be replaced by something else. 

She knew something was out there.  Biding it’s time, waiting.  It had no name but it was out there, and it was always ready.  Ready to take Anna Taylor.